10 Years.

Ten years. Ten entire years. Ten successful, thrilling, wild, and exhilarating years have gone by since I graduated from high school.

It's shocking how fast a decade can pass when your life suddenly flips upside down in both amazing, and not so amazing ways, multiple times.

I remember the night of my graduation, going to the annual "Project Graduation", which was basically a big lock-in after the ceremony the school put on, where we were given cool items for college (I got $750 plus a pair of Beats headphones), played games, and had our last hoo-rah before going off in our separate ways. I remember there was a big yellow paper banner on the wall with the words "Where I'll be in 10 Years" written in Sharpie at the top. We each signed our names and wrote our future desired endeavors underneath. I remember exactly what I wrote, and boy... let's just say my fortune-telling skills were not up to par.

"I will be back in Glen Rose teaching first grade" - plot twist, I didn't even get my degree in education.

And that's totally fine. I wasn't supposed to do what I thought I was gonna do. Little small town, innocent, indecisive, 17-year-old me didn't know what the future held. She hadn't even really discovered herself yet. It's crazy thinking back then, and remembering exactly how that mindset felt.

When I graduated high school, I had more confidence in my college choice than I had in myself. I was so shy, my social anxiety controlled me, I was constantly comparing myself to others, and I made choices based on outside opinions. Despite that the world was saying that I was basically an adult after graduating, I still felt like a little flower bud. I hadn't even bloomed yet, but the world was implying I had.

This is something you don't understand until you have actually gone through your 20's. Nobody really knows what's going on, or what to do, because we're all still in the process of blooming. I used to think 25-year-olds were like ADULT adults. Now as an almost 28-year-old, I'm just now finally figuring things out. My life's metaphorical petals are finally beginning to see the sun for the first time. The petals may not be as pristine, and unblemished as they were when I was a teenager. There's definitely some tears, some creases, and some hurts, but every petal is still there, and it's finally blooming into the sweet flower it was destined to be.

Let's go back for a second, and remember what I left 10 years ago. Let's reflect on my senior year.

I graduated from Glen Rose High School in Glen Rose, Texas on May 30, 2014. I had gone to the schools in Glen Rose from pre-school through 12th grade, so a lot of my class I graduated with, I had known since I was a toddler, literally. Glen Rose has always been special to me because of this. I was immensely school spirited, and was involved in everything. Just my senior year, I was the drum major of the marching band, a captain on my high school dance team, secretary of the school's STEM club WIT (Workforce Industry Training), was a member of FCCLA, participated in the basketball pep band, was a member of the secret school spirit organization Hep Kats, participated in UIL Solo and Ensemble, made it into the ATSSB All-District and All-Region Band, and was a member of the National Honor Society. You can say I've always been the type to not be an outcast, I like to be involved.

I did well in my extracurriculars, going to the state-level UIL Solo and Ensemble, earning the Texas Music Scholar award and a band award given by the Marines, and a HUGE highlight of my senior year... earning my spot on the National Dance Alliance All-American Dance Team and representing the U.S. by performing in the London New Year's Day Parade in London, England on 1-1-14. Here's the video of my performance if you were curious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SuJCq3Dk0I

When it came to schoolwork, l earned the highest grade in English 4, got my college application essay spotlighted and printed in the local newspaper (which foreshadowed my future college degree), and graduated as number 18 in my class of 121 students (I was in the top 15%). Also fun fact, I only applied to ONE college, no backups, because I was determined to go there. And I got in with flying colors.

Because I was quiet, was a One Direction fangirl (yes, I know it was cringy lol), and wasn't in the "cool crowd", I got bullied. Being bullied by a lot of people when I was the Drum Major was hard. I don't know if they knew this, but being Drum Major is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Having to talk in front of 100+ people, and telling them what to do, was extremely difficult for me. One of the directors would even give me "yelling lessons" in the practice rooms once a week because I was too soft spoken. Every single day I had to act like I was fine, but I wasn't. I heard the whispers and saw the glares. It came to a point where the director had to talk to the band about it because the people talking behind my back thing was affecting my grades in school. Teenagers can be mean for no reason, and I held onto that anger for years, but I've finally let it go. But despite the things I had to go through, being Drum Major is one of the first major steps that helped me overcome my social anxiety. I am so thankful I got talked into doing it.

Senior year was fun, it was hard, and I grew a lot, but it was nothing compared to the next 10 years.

Let's do a recap on many things that have happened, and have helped me grow, in the last decade.

Let's go forward in time... after I graduated, then what? Well, that summer I spent my 18th birthday in New Orleans, eating my weight in fried gator and jambalaya, followed by a week-long cruise in the western Caribbean. Then I moved all the way out in the panhandle, to Lubbock, to attend Texas Tech University.

I started out in college as an early childhood education major. I had been a student teacher in a first grade class my senior year, so I was set on teaching. But even though my outside friends said it was an "easy" major, let's just say I had such poor grades after my first semester that I was placed on academic probation in the spring. This was a shock to me because I was always an A student in high school. I had never failed a class, ever, until that semester. So after that, I knew that that major was just not for me.

Outside of classes, I earned my spot in the Goin' Band from Raiderland, which was the main highlight and focus, on all my four years at Tech (I chose to go to Texas Tech literally to be in the Goin' Band). I also became involved in the basketball band, Court Jesters, and rushed the band sorority, Tau Beta Sigma, got the coolest big, and eventually became a sister.

After not being able to go to the One Direction concert (that I had tickets for) because I didn't have a driver's license, I did go to my first real concert my freshman year! Paul McCartney (yes, THE Paul McCartney!) came and performed at the United Supermarkets Arena on the Texas Tech campus that October. I ended up getting last minute tickets, and that was incredibly fun. He even waved at me when he drove past in a van.

After the first semester of terrible grades, I had no idea what to change my major to. I went to God a lot, talked to my advisor a lot, talked to my friends a lot, and after some deep thinking, I realized how much I loved meteorology. Even as a child, I would watch The Weather Channel more than cartoons. At that point, I was like... I'm gonna be a TV meteorologist!

Sophomore year came, and I changed my major to journalism, and minored in atmospheric science. This was one of the best decisions. Because of my minor, I met some of the best humans I ever met in college, truly lifelong friends, and fellow "weather weenies". I became involved in the American Meteorological Society at Tech, and even became the Team Lead for the National Weather Service organization through the university called VOST where we went through social media platforms and verified local severe weather reports during local severe weather.

Because of my weather friends, I was introduced to the idea to go to graduate school at Mississippi State for broadcast meteorology. By the time I was a sophomore, I had already decided that that was where I was going to go after my Tech years. Oh - and my face was seen nationally on The Weather Channel's Local on the 8's for a few months during this same time because of a cool cloud photo I took and submitted! I got a lot of weird Facebook messages from strangers because of this lol.

My first journalism classes were HARD. Once again, just like the drum major thing, I threw myself into a situation that I wasn't 100% prepared socially for. That first newswriting class was one of the hardest classes I took in college, and you HAD to pass that class first to continue in the journalism degree plan. We had multiple articles we had to write and the final, and biggest, one was over First Responders. I had to go all over Lubbock to talk to police officers, EMTs, and firefighters. This was SO hard because it felt SO intimidating to me. I even had a round table style interview with 12-15 firefighters at Lubbock's Fire Station #19... by myself. I eventually got the article written, and had it graded right in front of me. And guess what, I aced the class.

Also, because I was in Court Jesters that year, I actually got to travel and perform at the first round of March Madness in 2016 in Raleigh, NC, when Texas Tech played Butler. That was really cool. I was also very involved in my sorority. And I ended up getting the best little sister, and little brother, ever that year, and I'm so thankful for them.

Between my sophomore year and junior year, I got my driver's license.... at 20 years old. I was absolutely petrified to drive before this (thanks to Shattered Dreams), but because I was going to be living off campus starting that fall, I needed a car. Fun fact, the first time I took my test, I actually failed... it's a long story. Thankfully I passed with flying colors the second time.

I also got my first job ever that summer working at a froyo place in my hometown. During that time, my parents and I drove all across the south, ending in Atlanta, Georgia for vacation. I took my first tour of the Mississippi State campus, and I got to tour The Weather Channel (which was my dream workplace at the time)! It was incredible.

Junior year came, and I decided to go to inactive status in my sorority so I had time to work at the campus newspaper, The Daily Toreador, as a features reporter. Again, ANOTHER situation I wasn't ready socially for. This was even more difficult for me than the journalism classes. I had to cover events on and off campus, and interview strangers all the time, for articles. I would end up bringing my roommate, or best friend, with me because I was too scared to go alone most of the time. Though I thought I wouldn't make it, I succeeded. I wrote many articles, published in print and online, and I'm proud I did that. Another huge growth opportunity. The article below was my prized article. I was so proud of writing this one:

At this point, I was still sold on the fact I was going to be a broadcast meteorologist when I "grew up". I even volunteered my time and had on-camera weather experience at the campus TV station, MCTV, but I honestly didn't love it, but I kept trying to convince myself that I did. I felt like I was being judged every time I was on-air, and it was giving me unnecessary anxiety. But I kept trying and trying and trying to convince myself that that was the best career for me. That was until I took a volunteer trip to work at Grand Canyon National Park during spring break. When working at the canyon, I realized how much I prefer the outdoors over a TV studio, how much love the environment, and the concept of conserving the natural beauty. While watching the sunset colors peeping through the ponderosa pine branches, I had an epiphany. I didn't want to work on TV.

I obviously wasn't going to change my major, I was already a junior, and I wanted to graduate on time. Plus, as a naturally talented writer, and I've always wanted to eventually become a published author, I knew having a journalism degree would benefit me in the long run. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVED my minor. To this day, I love meteorology so much, it's my favorite science, and my ATMO classes at Tech were my favorite.

I earned my class ring junior year too. My parents even surprised me by driving the five hours to Lubbock to attend my Ring Ceremony! It was so funny, they were in my apartment, and I had no idea until I came home from class that day. I had never been surprised so much!

I took some of my hardest classes junior year as well, including a law class! You heard me right, a LAW class. I went in with all the Elle Woods energy for sure. Like before, I was doing great in classes, and was making it on the Dean's List every semester. This was such an improvement compared to my first semester in college.

The summer between junior and senior year was the best summer of my life. I had the BEST 21st birthday pool party (no, not because it was my 21st lol). It was the best because all my friends got to come together again, Tech friends and high school friends. I remember how happy I felt seeing everyone together again. It meant a lot to me.

Senior year came around, and during the first week of school while trying to avoid people in the "free speech area", I was handed a flyer for a sorority called Fashion Board. I thought, why not? I had already gone inactive in my other sorority, and it was my last year of undergrad, so what could I lose? I rushed Fashion Board, and soon became a sister in the sorority. I absolutely loved that sorority and all the girls in it, and they'll always have a special place in my heart. Thank you girls for helping me realize that being different is cool, and to dress not to impress, but to express.

That fall was really fun with all the football games, and away games, with the Goin' Band. We did a lot of cool shows that year. I earned my Senior Spats (the spats band members get when they are a senior with their senior season embroidered on them), and my Foot-and-a-Half award (you had to be a member of the band all 4 years to get it), and I am so proud of both awards. I also got to meet our head football coach, Kliff Kingsbury, which was a bucket list item for me (and most of the girls on campus lol) at the time.

I did my very first solo long-distance road trip that fall as well. I drove alone, from Lubbock to College Station. It was an 8-hour drive, and another huge growth opportunity. I was so scared to drive that far alone, but thankfully it wasn't bad, and I only got lost once. It was kind of a preview for the long-distance driving I would have to do in the following years.

That spring break, I again volunteered to work the week at Grand Canyon National Park. I loved it just as much that time as I did the year before. I gained just as much inspiration and awe, if not more.

The spring of my senior year couldn't have come around without yet another growth opportunity. This came in the form of an internship. So basically, to get a degree in journalism, one of your final requirements is to have an internship. For mine, I worked at the campus radio station, KTXT-FM 88.1 "The Raider". I read the news and weather in the mornings during the "Good Morning Texas Tech" show. I was highly nervous to talk on-air, but I got used to it quickly, and it was so fun. I loved hanging out with DG and the crew, learning how to use record players, coordinating outreach events, and helping out at the First Friday Art Trail. I really enjoyed my time interning there.

I applied to graduate school at Mississippi State University in February 2018, and I got my acceptance email less than a week later. I felt SO EXCITED seeing that "Welcome to the Bulldog family" email, especially because I pulled the same "scheme" I did for undergrad... which was how I only applied to ONE school, no backups. And the other thing is, I didn't even apply for the broadcast meteorology program. I decided to go for the environmental geosciences track instead, to make it a broader, less specific track, since I knew I didn't want to work on TV anymore. This ended up being a good and bad thing, but that's okay, I'm making it work.

April of senior year, my weather friends and I even had the opportunity to go to Amarillo and be a part of their Severe Weather Expo since we were in the American Meteorological Society. That was a really fun trip, and we had a blast together. Honestly all the times through my Tech years with them were the best, planning Severe Weather Awareness Day, Spanky's dinners, bombing General Meteorology, late night Whataburger study sessions, and watching Twister all the time. They were the best.

Soon enough, it was time for my Tech years to end. It came and went so fast, and I'll always be thankful for them. I am a proud Red Raider for life! Guns up!

I graduated with my bachelor of arts degree in journalism and a minor in atmospheric science on May 19, 2018, and had such a wonderful day. I had my bible fellowship come all the way out to Lubbock to support me, and my parents threw me a party at my apartment with all my friends from Tech, and home! Here, you can watch the video of my graduation and party I made, it's cute: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=he_HjzP8Plg

As a graduation present, my parents gave me my first official Mississippi State cowbell (it's MSU tradition to have your first cowbell given to you). It had a painting of a cotton plant on it - this was to represent Lubbock (the cotton capital of Texas), and how Lubbock would always be with me, even in Mississippi.

August came, and that's when I waved goodbye to Texas, and I was so ready for the next step in life. Never ever EVER in my life would I have thought that I'd move out of state, that was SO not in the plans when I was 17. But there I was, uprooting my life to move to a place where I didn't know a soul. But instead of knowing a soul, I felt soul instead, in the music and the food, cause it was Mississippi... hahaha.

When I started grad school, it was the first time I felt truly lonely. I couldn't be in marching band, I wasn't involved in anything, so I joined the American Meteorological Society there, but it wasn't the same as at Tech. The people there didn't bond with me as much, but I did have friends who were in my classes, and y'all know who y'all are! So I spent a lot of days putting that lonely energy into other things, such as how I got really good at baking, cooking, and even crocheting. Yes, I clearly turned into a grandma lol.

I did join an organization though, one I loved. I saw them when I was tailgating before one of the home football games. It was the Student Veterans Association. Because my dad is a veteran, and MSU has this thing where if you're a dependent of a veteran they'll waive your out-of-state tuition, I had to deal with the veterans center a lot. So, I had heard of this organization. When I saw the SVA tailgating tent, I walked up, and they were telling me how dependents of veterans can also be in the organization. I decided to join that day, and I'm so glad I did. During my second year of grad school, I even got voted on as the secretary of the organization. From tailgating, to cookouts, and even being in the Starkville Veterans Day Parade, this organization, and the people in it, were the absolute best. Thanks y'all for giving me a little community in Mississippi.

I LOVED my classes in grad school. They were extremely challenging, and I had my fair share of hardships, but this was the first time I loved every single thing in every single class. I realized how much I enjoyed climatology, so I really dove into those topics, and became really successful with it. I completed my research under the guidance of the assistant state climatologist of Mississippi, and my research mainly dealt with tornado climatologies, drylines, and shifts in the 100th meridian, and it was awesome. Yes, I'm aware that I'm a nerd.

I also drew, and entered a drawing in my first art contest! It was a military-themed art contest for military-affiliated students at MSU, and my drawing I titled "Finally Home" won second place! Here's my drawing:

And even though I wasn't in marching band anymore, I absolutely LOVED going to MSU football games! SEC football is TOP TIER. Mississippi State football games are the best! After going to a Texas Tech game as a non-band person, I realized it wasn't half as fun as being in the band at games, but MSU games are so fun just as a student! And I learned that ringing a cowbell for four hours makes your arms really sore, lol.

During the fall of that first year of grad school, my little in my first sorority I was in at Texas Tech, was in her last year of Goin' Band. At the last home game of the year, the seniors in Goin' Band do their senior march across the field after the halftime show, and it's really meaningful. So after two plane flights, three cancellations, and a massive layover at DFW, I completely surprised my little by coming to see her last performance/senior march. I'm still so proud of her.

My second year of grad school, I got an awesome job opportunity to work as the graduate assistant of the veterans center on campus. I'm so so thankful for this job, and it's my favorite job I've had so far. I was basically in charge of all their marketing, social media, graphics design, and helping coordinate events. I had the best coworkers too. Everyone knows how much I care about veteran support, so this job was perfect. I really enjoyed it, and I'm so glad I got the career experience as well, because now I'm looking for a career in this type of job.

The spring of my second year went from 100-0 really quick though. That January of 2020, I went with the Student Veterans Association to NATCON, or the Student Veterans of America's National Conference in Los Angeles, California. This was one of the most fun college trips I have ever had. We bonded so much, laughed till we cried, and learned so much. But nobody knew what was about to happen.

I'm sure every one of you knows what happened in the world in March 2020. Well, I came home to Texas for spring break, and well.... the next time I went back to Mississippi was to move back to Texas, quite unwillingly. This whole time period was very traumatizing for me. Change is already hard for me, but this was insane change. I remember coming back to my Starkville apartment months later, and it was so sad. The decor and cuteness was the same, but the air felt heavy. It wasn't my happy one-bedroom apartment I loved, it was the last, untouched, remnant of my existence before the world changed.

Let this be known... I was supposed to graduate in May 2020, but I did not want a virtual graduation ceremony, so I pushed it to November, when MSU said they were going to have an in-person ceremony. During the spring, I still had to complete my capstone research project, and take my comprehensive exams for grad school, but it all got switched to virtual. Despite that, I did end up passing everything. I am thankful for the virtual switch for some things - like how I didn't even have to present my capstone in-person to my board of professors (the idea was giving me major anxiety at the time). But this time period didn't even feel like I was in school. I remember completing my final GIS projects in my childhood bedroom. It felt so... wrong, it felt off, I didn't like it. I was also supposed to go on an exciting field course to Washington state that summer to study coastal environments, etc., and that got cancelled, so instead I had to take an online field course that required me to go do stuff around my hometown in the dead of summer... which really wasn't the most fun thing ever. I understand that the university had to do what it had to do, but I just wish things had been different.

Now in September of 2020, my parents and I travelled to Arizona and did a vacation all around the entire state. This perked up my downed spirits for the two weeks we were there. We went to the Grand Canyon, stayed in Flagstaff for a while, then drove through Phoenix, and stayed in Tucson for days, and saw a lot of saguaro cactus. It was a lot of fun.

In November 2020, my parents and I took the trip back to Starkville so I could graduate in the in-person ceremony. Despite it being in-person, it was still a "covid graduation". We all had to wear masks, even in the photos, the seats on the arena floor were 6 feet apart, the president of the university wasn't even there, they just played a video recording of him, and as soon as we were handed our diploma, we, and our 3-4 (maximum) guests had to leave the arena. I didn't even get to shake hands with anyone, I was handed my degree by a faculty member I'd never seen, and I was sent off on my merry way.

Am I thankful I got an in-person graduation in 2020? Absolutely. But in comparison to my joyful and exciting 2018 graduation, it didn't compare. After they took my photo, as I was leaving the arena, they handed me a lapel pin with the university logo on it. As I went outside, the pin dropped somewhere, and I just burst into tears. That small thing was the final trigger of me holding back the flood of emotions I was holding back - I was reeeeally trying to make the best of it before that. I really try to be an optimist. But it was also pouring rain outside too, so the whole vibe was off, and sad. My mom did finally find the pin, but the day of me earning my master's degree should've been a happy memory, but I just remember feeling a lot of sadness.

So yes, on November 27, 2020 I earned my master's degree in geosciences with a concentration in environmental geosciences, with a perfect 4.0 GPA. I was, and still am extremely proud of myself for accomplishing it all, especially with the massive torpedo of a worldwide pandemic getting in the way.

So after that, life got... repetitive, and boring. I don't really remember 2021. I'm telling you, it's because I was going through all the stages of grief. I felt like the one thing I loved, knew, and was good at (school) was ripped from me. It didn't help that all I had known up to that point was how to be a student. I didn't know what to do, I was confused, angry, sad, eating my feelings, and never left the house. I stopped painting, stopped playing music, stopped dancing, stopped blogging, stopped talking to my friends, stopped everything. I was in a dark place for about a year. I ended up getting a retail job out of financial desperation halfway through the year.

Cue 2022, things started to look up a little, I started going into the "acceptance" stage of grief. Having to work around the public in a retail job surprisingly helped my mental health. My first manager at the time helped me too, she was always trying to perk me up, compliment me, and make me feel happy. Unfortunately, 2022 is a blurred memory too, it just felt very repetitive, and I was still very heavily mentally living in the past.

2023 is where I finally emerged from the darkness. The acceptance stage had hit, and I was able to get out of the funk. One thing that massively helped was getting back into dance classes. I hadn't taken studio dance classes in years, and getting back in them was exactly what I needed. I actually started taking a clogging class at the same dance studio that I took classes from when I was little! Everyone at the studio was all so welcoming, and caring, and we would have so much fun learning dances and performing them. It brought up my spirits every single practice. Because of this, it got me out of the house, and exercising, and I lost a lot of the weight from the covid-era, which has been such an accomplishment for me, personally.

I also began to trust God a lot more during this time, more than ever, and it has showed for sure.

And for the first time since 2019, I cut my hair in early 2023. I was starting to get agitated by how long it was - I could literally almost sit on it. But I was refusing to cut it because it was the "last thing I had from before covid", as sad as that sounds. Grief makes you do weird things. When I cut it, it felt like a huge release. I was finally letting go of those times, finally cutting the past away, and it was time to move on.

Since last fall, I'm still doing dancing, even teaching dancing now, and pursuing everything again. I'm painting again, I'm making music, I'm writing again, I'm pursuing the things I love again, and letting myself feel, and enjoy life. I've destroyed the walls that had been holding me back, and reminding myself that "life begins at the end of your comfort zone". Things have been looking up since, and I see some big changes in the near future.

And now, I look back at all these things, and it's amazing to see how far I have come. I have seen huge up's, and huge down's. 17-year-old me would've never fathomed all this. It's crazy to look back and look at it with almost 28-year-old eyes. I've grown so much, and I've overcome so much with God. He is the only reason I am the way I am today. Just comparing myself now, to 2021 me, is shockingly different.

That once super shy, naive girl is so much more. She's not scared of people, she's confident in herself and her capabilities. She knows what she wants, and she's finally knowing who she is.

If I could go back to 2014 and see myself, I'd give her hug, and tell her...

17-year-old Lexi, hey girlie,

Like in Finding Nemo, just keep on swimming. Ten years from now you're going to be writing this blog post with two college degrees behind you. You will have so many talents to pursue, and so many wonderful people in your life. You will go through the roller coaster of life, but you gotta trust God. So just like the words in all your school songs - in books of fame they'll write your name - you'll strive for honor evermore - and with praise your voice will ring. Don't be afraid to be your silly, intelligent, goofy, sassy, funny, adorable self, because people will love that about you!!! Don't be afraid to use your voice to speak out. Don't let imposter syndrome affect you, you are so worthy of amazing things. You are beautiful, and capable, and I'm sorry it took me ten years to finally see how amazing we are, even though I know you don't believe it yet. Your softness, and kindness, are your superpowers.

It's gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay.

Love, 27-year-old Lexi.